Two Truths About the Job I Never Announced

(click the two links below for the back story)

Exactly one calendar week after my birthday (August 1st), I got fired for the first time since Starbucks in 2011.

I’m sure HR would want me to use the correct terminology: my job offer was rescinded.

I want to say I knew the whole time that something was wrong, but that’s not exactly true. I had only known since that Monday morning. I want to say my woo-woo senses, my claircognizance, knew not to tell people about the job. 

But I don’t think that would be an accurate representation of the story. Because the people I told, I was excited to tell. I was supposed to transition out of the classroom and into a new role. I was leaning into my soft skills, to the areas where I was underutilized because I was teaching a core subject required for graduation. I was going to have a more direct impact on students, giving them more practical and more tangible help because I had the time to.

I guess I have to go with the knowledge that two truths can be true at the same time. 

Probably more than two. 

Truth 1 about this job I won’t be working: It would have been a new adventure and a new stretch. I love a challenge at work (conditionally) so I was excited about that. 

Truth 2: I was offered the position with very few details and the understanding that the hirer would pray about it. 

I am not here to sh*t on prayer or on faith. Those are important and necessary elements to how we live in the world. They are also very non-standard elements to introduce into the world of work, where you are responsible for people’s livelihoods. 

Here’s another set of truths:

1 - I turned down a job in Bronx, New York (near 7/8/24) because I was worried that my certification would not reciprocate and that was only one of many things that would make moving there difficult. I turned down another job in Houston, TX because I was scared I wouldn’t have the money and support to start the school year with my 6-year-old. I was also bored by the idea of another regular ELA classroom. I didn’t turn down Houston until I received the letter of intent for this new job (near 7/23/24).

2 - I was not advised to turn down the other jobs. Living with my grandma is easier and cheaper and I was exhausted from moving around. 

Another set:

Truth A - I was unhappy about starting my first day of work on my birthday and about going on a staff retreat. 

Truth B - I have worked on my birthday for the better part of 8 years, so while I was irritated, it’s an old irritation.

My tragic flaw in life is the way I be wantin’ sh*t to make sense. I firmly believe that the god a lot of folx serve, who this hirer serves, who I used to serve is a lover of chaos. Get over to WitchTok or look up chaos magick on X/Twitter. It tracks. 

But I’m not writing this to rage against the god of chaos. 

Sometimes I like it when he do it. 

I am just wondering, was I wrong to trust this hirer? A week or so after I was offered the job over the phone, I signed the letter of intent. I called them to ask for a few more details and they said they were still working it out. They said they have a good track record of knowing their employees’ capacity and not over-burdening them. I told them, honestly, that I wasn’t freaking out; I was just curious and trying to think ahead. They told me that was a great thing to try and do but to simply “trust the process.” 

On my first-day-of-work birthday, they ordered me an entire chocolate cheesecake. I was both pleased and also of the mind that this is something a person would do in order to garner loyalty. I will not pretend that I was not slightly suspicious. I was simply trying to coach myself that some people are good. The ideological conundrum will always be: if the person would be motivated to do the good thing if no one would see them doing the good thing? We’ll never know.

I pulled several strings in order to attend this retreat for 3 days. The biggest was figuring out care for my daughter. My “godmother” took her for the first time, and I hear they had a blast. She hasn’t heard yet that I no longer have this job. I’m curious to see if she’ll be angry or practiced, motherly calm.

Truths:

The retreat was in a truly beautiful location and the AirBnB was gorgeous. The bed was comfy. My roommate was very very kind. The food was delicious and the team did a great job of working together to keep us all fed.  

At the same time, I don’t wanna be in a house with strangers at work non-stop for 3 days. It’s weird. 

Truths:

During the trainings that were scheduled, there were some red flags from other employees as well as the supervisor.

And also, for at least one red flag (the admittance that the supervisor wishes they could control everything) there were acknowledgments of flaw and desire to grow and be held accountable.

I admitted to being uncertain and uncomfortable while I waited for more detailed information about how to be successful. I was told that I had been heard, not only that day but for several days, and that I should continue to “trust the process.” I told the trainer in a side conversation that I am not good at sustained trust. 

I did visibly and verbally cop *one* attitude *one* time during a training exercise. 

I held back a lot, refrained from a lot, kept my mouth shut a lot. But my godmom and I are having an ongoing discussion about energy management. The confusing part of it is how to understand the management when no one is giving you feedback. It’s easy when they talk to you, ask you, question you, confront you. But when they don’t, then essentially it’s like mind-reading; and that’s hard with a high margin of error. 

As I left the retreat on Wednesday, 8/7/24, the supervisor walked me outside and asked me “What are your intentions?” 

I’m practical. So I had spent the previous night in meditation and conversation with a group of Dharma practitioners about how I didn’t need to burn up this job opportunity in what I affectionately call a “Leo Rage Fire” (obviously I named it because I’m familiar with it). 

The Dharma conversation was about listening to others and to self. I told the group I was going to listen to my hirer and my previously calm self and “trust the process,” trust the initial vibes, not the triggered or annoyed vibes. 

I answered honestly that “My intentions haven’t changed. I don’t believe in making decisions when you’re upset.” I was informed that the hirer needed to “really think about things” and would call me the next day. 

The last thing I’ll say about energy management for now is this. I drove 4 hours from the retreat to a keynote speech in Tulsa. I listened to the Focus Black Oklahoma episode “The Battle for Greenwood: Street Fight.” I listened to the Fire in Little Africa album twice. I listened to the beginning of the Birth of a Nation soundtrack. I arrived at exactly the time I needed to get “onstage.” I changed my clothes in the car. I didn’t stop for lunch (but I’d eaten a good breakfast). All of that, and I had not finished my first slide before I was in the pocket, exactly where I’m meant to be. 

Some of my audience was after-lunch sleepy, but the energy from those who were alert was all I needed. The topic, my study, my past interaction with the legacy of Greenwood and I knew I was on the exact right frequency. I exchanged hugs and contact information. I went to dinner with conference attendees. 

And in the hotel room, I applied for a job my friend had suggested.

After the staff was instructed to work virtually the next day, I scheduled an interview at the job my friend recommended. I submitted my Donors Choose to the new job and I awaited my phone call. It came at 6:30 p.m. The hirer said “There is a values misalignment, so I am rescinding the job offer.” When I asked what made them believe there was a misalignment, I was told, “I’m not required to give a reason.”  I will be paid for a week of work and reimbursed gas mileage. 

Two truths:

One: There was a lot more than simple values misalignment. 

Two: That’s a bullsh*t reason to fire someone. (If you like to hire and fire based on vibes, you need to put a lot more into your hiring process.)

Two more truths:

Neither of us would have enjoyed our working relationship.

I cannot yet wrap my head around firing people based on how you feel rather than based on what has been done.

That’s what I got fired for at Starbucks: “people” were uncomfortable with my attitude (despite that I worked with my roommate, her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s roommate, and we got great tips because the customers loved us).

I like sh*t to make sense and this does not. I understand a few truths about what I and the hirer went through. I cannot pinpoint a “big picture” REASON and wrap this up nicely in a bow. It’s still pretty unwieldy. There was a better candidate for the job my friend recommended.

I found a babysitter who can pick my daughter up from school everyday, so I was able to enroll her in my first choice school. 

I have 2 independent contracts open and payments processing for those six days and for my keynote. I’m just going with the flow at this point: chopping wood, carrying water, and sweeping the stairs (next post).

Do you have any “big-picture” thoughts?